At very long last, a hello

Hello!
I know it's been BEYOND forever.
I was actually on Wordpress for a while, then I got frustrated as to how to costumize the layout. Long story short, I got back here. Pretty happy with myself today for bringing my fanlisting codes back on.
A quick update: I'm getting married in less than three weeks. My husband-to-be is a lawyer who's turning 38 in September, and it's gonna be the first (and hopefully last) marriage for both of us. I consider myself lucky to have him, for he supports me in pursuing my career and aspirations.

A little explanation...

Hi guys.
I'm aware that attention has been given to my old blog lately, yes more than eight years after I moved to this current one. To satisfy your curiosity, yes my past writings haunt me. I've lost the password to my Pitas blog and even if I still had it, I wouldn't be able to log in anyway because Pitas is now on read-only mode. I have asked Andrew Smales, founder and owner of Pitas, to delete my blog and to date I have yet to receive a reply.

So there. It's not like I'm proud of my past ramblings and keep them online on purpose. I myself wish to do away with it, but the power to make it disappear is in the hands of Andrew Smales.

Apart from that, I'm alive and kicking. Just got back from Singapore for a long-overdue family reunion.

Shout out to someone!

Exactly 14 years ago in mid-2003, while still blogging on Pitas I received an e-mail from someone claiming to be half Japanese and half Caucasian and live in Australia. He introduced himself as Kevin Harten. He also sent me a picture.

We e-mailed each other for a short while. He said he religiously followed my entries, and even offered sympathy when I went through issues with some fellow Indonesian bloggers. Then suddenly he stopped writing me.

Around August of the same year (he'd already stopped contacting me by that time), I stumbled upon his picture on a website called hapas.com (RIP). His e-mail address used on that site was different from the one he used for our communication, and what was weirder was that he went by the name "Bryce" there. I remember telling him what I found, to which I received no reply.

So yeah, hi Bryce/Kevin Harten! Enjoy this blast from the past!

Another dream...

Just when I was about to give up, you visited me in my dream.
You looked just as I remembered you, but seemed like you'd gained weight.
Just remember that whatever the future holds, you always have a soft spot in my heart.
And here's to the belated 15th anniversary of our friendship, I especially cherish the fact that we spent our late teens together, albeit miles apart.

Hi from Malang!

In Malang, East Java, at the moment for a cousin's wedding. Blogging from my room's balcony which overlooks the swimming pool.
I had a transit in Surabaya, the province's capital city, just yesterday. It was the first time I was in Surabaya in 23 years.
Funny exactly a year ago I was in Frankfurt for a transit to and from Gdansk...

On waiting...

"If 'love' is another way to say 'waiting'...
Then I want to call you 'love' as well."

Fourteen years and counting...

#youknowwhoyouare

The annual thing...

Happy birthday, Andreas Hermanu!
You never reply my e-mails, hence this public shout-out.
Whether or not you're married, whether you decide to have a barbecue again or go overseas to celebrate, I hope you're surrounded by love on your special day and may your last birthday before officially entering middle age-dom be memorable!

On working out...

For those not in the know, I've been a Fitness First member since 2012 and one of my favourite programs there is the shbam class. The shbam class is held every Sunday and Tuesday at the FF at one of the nearest malls to my house, Taman Anggrek. Basically there are two shbam instructors that take turns teaching the Sunday and Tuesday classes, and my favourite is one called Ned (that's a pseudonym as I feel I have to protect his privacy.) Ned was educated in Malaysia and UK, so needless to say he speaks good English (which he demonstrates in his class as time and again we have foreign shbam participants.) He teaches shbam as a side to his main job, running a batik fashion house with his sister. Ned actually comes across as a bit arrogant to me and everytime he's around my gaydar goes off, but he's my favourite because I'm basically a sucker for well-educated guys with good English...and also because he reminds me of my gege (LOL own up now! #youknowwhoyouare...I know you come here on a daily basis!)

Reflections...

While answering a question on the best year (or in my case, years) on Ask.fm, I felt compelled to include 2013. Ever since I hit rock bottom disguised as a severe quarter life crisis upon returning from NZ, I felt that adulthood was nothing but bitterness - to the point that I stopped caring whether said bitterness would ever end. However, 2013 - the year I hit big 3-0 - did more than show that adulthood wasn't something that's automatically granted to anyone finishing university. Adulthood is indeed earned. To recap, in 2013...
- After a lot of job-hopping and a postgraduate degree which I partially funded myself, I embarked on a short vacation to Singapore. It was the first time I went out of the country in 4.5 years since leaving NZ. Nothing feels better than a much deserved holiday.

- I turned 30, as already said...with no fear. Congratulations and good luck to all those who hit that milestone this year and beyond! You can kiss those turbulent 20s goodbye as 30s are much more stable...unless you make no effort whatsoever to grow up.

- I got a wonderful belated 30th birthday present in terms of career, but I wish not to discuss that in detail.

- My long comatose boyband phase was revived - yes I'm talking about Infinite - which led to my first ever K-pop concert which was held on August 31 2013.

- I had my first taste of speaking at a conference, and this first conference of mine was held at Andalas University in Padang. Later after the conference I got to admire the beauty of my maternal ancestral home of Bukittinggi, also for the first time.

- I started making friends with Starbucks baristas again since coming home from NZ. Back in Auckland, I had a knack for befriending Starbucks baristas to the point of knowing at least one barista at each of the five Starbucks stores in Auckland CBD. I'm in touch with the majority of them.

The year 2013 actually had a slightly bitter end, but it didn't affect my 30s so far. Here's to better times ahead!

Strange...

Hey,
I've just had a dream about you, without you. You didn't appear until the very end of my dream.
It was pretty strange. I found myself in your room in your Jakarta house, which your maid said had stayed the way it had been since you left the country after high school. I sat on the floor, legs stretched, not knowing what to do, until it hit me the things in your room were those you didn't want anymore. Then I thought, looking at your backpack on the floor, this backpack is still in very good condition, how can he not want it anymore? Next I opened your closet, a lot of your clothes were still there, and I found a big box. Amongst the contents of the box were several DVD's of Indonesian movies with excerpts written in German and a DVD of something called Band19. It was apparently a compilation of bands performing different songs, and at least half of them were in German.

My driver picked me up and I left your house. On my way home, I told him to go back to your house. I was thinking I should've taken the box with me. Suddenly I found myself in your room again, looking out the window. And then you appeared in a distance.

And that was that.

You see, I always pick up clues from dreams. In 2002, I figured out how the girl my ex boyfriend cheated on me with looked like in a dream - and it turned out I was right about her look. This one was pretty strange. You've never lived in Jakarta, and you weren't in Indonesia for high school. You used to compose songs for bands, but as far as my memory goes you were never in one.

But whatever that dream is trying to tell me, I can't endure this thing any longer.

Hey...

Us being Taureans and trying to see who will hold out the longest....

You see, I miss us.
I miss how both of us were into Ayumi Hamasaki.
I don't know about you, but I'm still kinda into her.
You should listen to one of her most recent songs, "Zutto", if you haven't already.
I swear it sounds like it could've been released in 2003.
Which means it has the signature Hamasaki sound :p

I miss us confessing to our deepest darkest secrets.
I hope you really don't do that dirty deed anymore.
The last time we talked, I didn't have any impression that you were still doing it.

You see, if we never see each other ever again,
And you happen to survive me,
And you if you ever miss me...
Don't go to Jakarta.
Go to Auckland.
Go to my campus.
Maybe, just maybe, you remember that back in 2008 I wrote that I'd love to show you the beauty of this country....

ILD <3

Yes I'm aware...

Happy belated birthday to one of my best stalkers, who turned 33 on April 30.

Of course you know who you are ;)

A flashback...

Jakarta, mid January 2005
My best friend, let's call her Rose, went to the 18th birthday party of a guy. Her boyfriend's best friend's brother.
I had a crush on her boyfriend's best friend, let's call him Chris, but he obviously didn't like me back.
She went to the party without telling me.
And why should she?
But somehow I felt she'd betrayed me.
I remember feeling anxious, stupid and angry at the same time.
I texted my other best friend, let's call her Jane, one who went to elementary school with the boyfriend.
We agreed to meet at an Italian restaurant somewhere in South Jakarta the next day so I could pour my heart out.
I remember wanting to call her, but it was very late at night.

Nearly ten years later, I'm feeling the exact same way.
Rose is married to someone else.
Jane is still single, and an avid traveler.
I haven't been in touch with Chris since I moved to NZ.
But this feeling is all too familiar...

On arseholes

Just so you know, I totally don't trust people who sugarcoat stuff. I'd rather you get straight to the point bluntly.
People who sugarcoat things seem to me that they're trying to get away with hurting your feelings. People who are blunt and straight to the point leave the impression that they know they have to do the deed and are ready for consequences.

For someone's milestone...

Happy birthday RHS!
A warm welcome to the club!
Things went sour
We grew apart
Some call it growing up
But the beautiful memories we shared stay in my heart
Always have
Always will

Second hello from Oxford!

Hey you.
I'm glad we met during the conference.
Even if we don't end up together.
Even if we won't ever see each other again.
We'll keep these three days of the 2014 Oxford summer in our hearts and minds.
Forever.

One menacing entry

Hey you.
I've always thought it was you.
Just now I found out I was right all along.
Bully me all you want.
But that won't change the fact that your name is still the number one top search on my site.
And it looks like you've been getting more famous these days.
Congratulations!
Try to enjoy fame, will ya?
People would kill for fame.
Fame - not notoriety.
You get it with little, if any at all, effort.
Count your blessings for once.

PS: I hope those tweens did find your skeletons. Oh wait, they probably ended up on my page in the process :p

Someone's pushing 40...

Hello DAA. It's been a while. Yes, I know you've been lurking around. This song's for you.



Happy birthday <3

The confessional booth function of this blog

Hey babe.
Thanks for coming everyday, although you know I update once a month at best.
I don't feel right saying this in an e-mail.
And I know there will other, possibly better opportunities to say this.
But my heart wants to do it now and it thinks there's no better opportunity.
You're one of the best things that have ever happened to me, despite the weird stuff that have been going on in the past 11 years.
And it's one of my best decisions to let you run free, be yourself.
It doesn't matter whether you will come to me at the end.
Just the fact that you've stayed with me for nearly 12 years is enough.
"I love you" is too cheesy, and I don't know if I'll ever get to hug you again.
But whatever life throws in the way, please know that I'm here for you.
Always.
Forever.


#youknowwhoyouare

Congratulations where congratulations are due

Hey.
Someone's having a good time digging my long-buried skeleton.
On a happier note, congratulations on the birth of GEK.
She's a Taurean, I see.
Taurean girls are awesome :)
Enjoy the ride?